


Our Words

by 0fficiallyLeah



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, First Words, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Movie Canon Compliant, Past Torture, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Swearing, selfless Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:39:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0fficiallyLeah/pseuds/0fficiallyLeah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky finally remembers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Words

**Author's Note:**

> No beta - errors are mine.

The resonating crack that follows the slamming of the door had Steve unconsciously straightening his spine as he viewed the contents of the refrigerator. He hoped whatever or whoever had gotten Bucky so fired up didn't involve Stark - it was harder for him to convince Bucky not to kill him over anyone else. What he wasn't prepared for was the glare to be obviously and intensely directed at him. 

"Buck," Steve nodded, trying for casual. "Something got you upset?"

"Don't ask stupid fucking questions or I swear - I. Will. Kill. You." Steve felt both his eyebrows raise at the challenge in his friends voice.

"You tried, remember? Didn't have it in you." He had a metal hand around his throat and a fridge pressed painfully into his spine. Steve couldn't hold back his laugh though.

"When were you going to tell me?" Bucky demanded, completely wiping the easy grin off Steve's face.

"What's that? I can't exactly think straight with my pulse in my ears." The only response he got in return was Bucky pulling his right fist back, ready to strike if he didn't get an answer. _At least,_ Steve thought, _he doesn't actually want to kill me, yet._  

Steve couldn't help and glance at Bucky's right side, near his ribs. He knew what he was talking about the words that had been written there - _I had him on the ropes._

 

He had been seven. Some punk ass bully, who was just like all the rest, had gotten a good square punch right into Steve's chest. It had scared him more than it hurt. He couldn't breathe, frantically trying to pull out his inhaler. Somehow knowing he was still about to get creamed when suddenly a boy jumped in front of him. He fought like a cat in water - angry as hell and looking for something to attack. The bully never stood a chance. He had finally got his breath back while the boy silently checked him over for serious injuries, when Steve decided to speak up. "I had him on the ropes." He said seriously. The boys face lit up into a breathtaking smile and then he pulled Steve into his side, throwing his arm around him, leading him out of the ally, and then whispered conspiratorially "Sure ya did." It had sent Steve's already restless heart into a flutter, but it made him feel stronger, more complete, because those three words had been scrawled right were the boy had wrapped his arm, where his neck and shoulder met. They made introduction and Bucky walked Steve home, which was only two blocks from his own. He introduced himself to Steve's ma and proudly showed off his words written on his ribs "right where Steve fits" he had said quietly. And Steve may have blushed and his ma may have cooed. The next day he was introduced to Bucky's family.

 

After he found Bucky again, enough time had been spent running and out of Hydra's control, that he at least recognized Steve as someone other than just his mission, someone he could trust. But one of the fist questions he asked was what the words meant on his left side. At first Steve's immediate reaction was to correct him, but he was already pulling his shirt over his head and it was obvious that the words were located on his left side. And it confused Steve, but he sat him down and explained soulmarks and first words. Steve didn't tell him he was Steve's or that Steve was his. The first few times Bucky brought his mark up, he would adamantly refused that he belonged to anyone. He never wanted to belong to anyone again. It hurt like hell, but Steve understood. Of course he did. He had an idea of what Hydra had done, the horrors barely scratching the surface, and his poor soulmate had been subjected to the tortures for so long because he had failed him. If Bucky ever did decide he wanted to belong to someone, it definitely would be someone better than Steve.

 

And then slowly, whenever Bucky would ask to hear the story again he'd add his own information. Hydra had tried to remove it. They had tried burning it until all he could smell was cooked flesh and blacking out, but it came back. They tried acid. They tried surgically removing the skin and replacing it. Those times were the most painful, the only ones he could really remember. He had stopped asking about it whenever he caught a glimpse of it in his metal arm. But they seemed desperate to take it away. He hadn't understood why. It didn't impede his function. But he quietly admitted to Steve that, even if he didn't always remember then, he knew now he had always been relieved when it came back.

 

Eventually it reached the point of Bucky admitting having a soulmate wouldn't be so bad, and had even asked about Steve's. He never lied, but he never told him the truth either. He had been blindsided when Bucky had asked if he had known Bucky's soulmate. Bucky knew now, just like everyone else, that a mark turned red when your soulmate died, and neither of their marks were, but Steve couldn't figure out how he had come up with such a question. "Because," he had gone on not noticing Steve freezing up. "I have a couple of memories of you saying mine and I'm saying yours. But it's all before the war, I think. Did you know them, or?" He has his breathtaking grin on his face, just like how it all started. Steve wants to tell him the truth, wants to grab him and kiss him. It's been over seventy years for heaven's sake. Then he remembers everything that happened, everything Bucky deserves, and he looks so happy and hopeful, and Steve can't crush him. He can't tell his best friend that he's stuck with him to the end of the fucking line because Bucky deserves so much more. "They were our words, Buck. Something we said to make things easier, you know. An inside thing. 'Cept the closer it got to you shipping out the less you wanted to be reminded you were leaving. So you stopped answering." That was the absolute truth. He kept his tone light, never letting Bucky know just how bone deep his words went. "Our words, Buck. That's all."

 

Now, with Bucky glaring at him like he's Hydra all over again, he only feels more set in the truth - Bucky deserves better.

"Did you remember?" He can barely let the words out.

"Were you hoping I wouldn't? I'm not good enough now that there's so much blood on my hands? Or should I say hand, because lets face it, the left is just a sore reminder of me not being who you want!" He moved away from Steve like he'd been burned.

"What? No!" Steve's eyes were wide.

"Yea, sure. Whatever. Doesn't matter. You should've just told me you didn't want me to stick around. I remember we didn't keep secrets, but I guess I'm the only one." Bucky turned to leave. Steve watched the fight leave his shoulders as they sagged. He fucked up.

"This isn't a line, but it was me not you. You didn't want to belong to anyone, and I had decided I wouldn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel forced into a relationship you didn't want." Bucky didn't turn to look at him, but he stopped moving away. Steve's voice shook with his conviction and he prayed to God that Bucky would understand. "And then you opened up about Hydra, which I was grateful for you trusting me, but. It's my fault Buck. All of it. I'm not worth a damn as a soulmate. I didn't protect you. I've always been an extra weight on your shoulders, wether I was always sick and barely alive or when I was Captain America and you had to cover my six all over Europe. This was your chance to escape me. You deserve someone you can count on." His hands shook as he watched Bucky's form. Even when the silence began to suffocate, neither moved. Steve had a constant mantra the whole time in his head of _don't leave don't leave don't leave._

"It's moved." Bucky said.

"I know." Steve winced at the confession. 

"I remember the first time we met." Bucky turned to face him. "I remember the overwhelming sense of knowing you, and knowing I had to protect you. And I had never been in a fight before that moment, but I wasn't scared of him. He was twice my size, he had been three times bigger than you, but the only thing I was scared of was the sound of you not breathing. And I remember you saying the words that I thought I'd have to wait my whole life to hear. And I remember meeting your ma that first day and showing you the mark, but it was on the right. I couldn't figure out why it moved. The longer I thought about it the more memories came back and the angrier I got because, because I realized you never lied. You had made a conscious decision and chose your words so carefully. It was all just a mind game, like Hydra all over again." His breathing was heavy and his expression was broken. Steve felt it to his core, but he didn't know what to say. "Do you remember what you did when you found me again?" Bucky asked, stepping closer to Steve.

"Uh, you were waiting for me in the last Hydra base you destroyed. You had broke you leg and said you were done running."

"Right, I was fine to walk out by myself, but you came over wrapped my right arm around your shoulders and put you arm around my waist. You supported me when I needed it. You weren't that scrawny bag of bones that I had to keep close to my side to keep you out of trouble. That's why it moved. I never minded carrying any extra weight for you back then, but now I got a whole bunch of shit I need help carrying too. We've changed Stevie, but our words didn't. We're just kids from Brooklyn, but at least back then I could get a read on you. Now I hardly know what's going on in your head." He stood toe to toe with Steve. "What kind of punk ass idiot thinks that someone would ever want to be with someone other than there soulmate? I knew you were thick Rogers, but I think that being frozen messed with your brain."  His serious speech breaking into a smug grin.

"I'm sorry." Steve whispered. 

"You're an idiot, but I love you and your stuck with me. Now kiss me before Stark comes to complain about the door - It's been over seventy fucking years." And Steve did just that. 

 


End file.
